Entrez, Femme :: Enter, Woman

Hi there! Welcome to my blog!

I write this as I have a batch of banana streusel muffins baking in my oven - they are the first things I've made in MONTHS. Ironically, they are being made essentially against my will. I mean, did the bananas become sentient, take me hostage, and threaten my family unless I turned them into muffins? Yes, they did, because they turned brown.

I'm also being held hostage by my roommate who is a melodramatic, asexual diva. He acts as if he is being murdered if he doesn't get fresh bread once a week, the sighs and sidelong glances have finally gotten to me. So I made muffins.

If I'm really being honest though, depression got boring, and ambition got interesting, so I bought a new book, and I started up my blog..... again.

And now here we are, you reading it, me likely laying in bed wondering if I should just start the whole thing over. Good for us.

My name is Emma, and this is not my first attempt at a writing medium, though I do hope it is the successful attempt. I hope that because if this blog is successful that means that I achieved my goals. What are your goals, Emma? Great question imaginary reader!

1. Learn to feed myself.

2. Actually feed myself.

Yeah, there you go! That's pretty much all of them at this point. Sounds simple, you say, it's not, I counter.

Here's the history:

Little Emma exists in the world, and when she is able to eat solid foods she decides she is the pickiest of eaters.

Little Emma's parents raise her as a divorced child, her mother refusing to feed her anything but raw food (an almond mom, some would call her); her father raising her on take out and flavor (the styrofoam king, my mother called him).

Little Emma is told by her grandmother that she will teach her how to bake and cook, that it will be a wonderful bonding time for them. But quickly dies thereafter of brain cancer. (We cry for little Emma).

So little Emma becomes medium Emma and has no idea how to feed herself, consists on mainly apple sauce, chocolate chip pancakes, popcorn, and those little mandarin oranges.

Medium Emma sees a Psychiatrist at 18 who diagnoses her with ADHD, gives her a really high dose of Ritalin and sends her on her way. She takes the drugs for a day and never takes them again.

Medium Emma becomes Big Emma and big Emma moves away from her home to California where she is forced on a regular basis to feed herself while being dirt broke.

It is in California that she goes through the Pandemic, and takes up baking. Well. Tries to.

Since 2019 Big Emma has been attempting to learn the art of food without becoming a professional chef (I saw Burnt, I'm not interested) and while trying to naturally manage her ADHD.

And here we are, 6 years later, and I have to say better than I was, but not where I want to be. So far, I feel I've learned a lot, about what not to do. I've gotten the privilege of failing privately, a privilege I'm grateful for. But here I am now, about to start failing publicly.

Truly my goal in keeping this blog is that maybe I can find some things that work for me to feed my body, stave off depression, create a community, and learn how to make a freaking croissant!

Now that we know WHY I'm here - let's talk about what I called it.

"Entrez, Femme" is french for "Enter, Woman" which I thought was fitting. I played with the idea of replacing Entrez with Entree but I thought the French would be too mad about it and I desperately want their approval.

In the Bible, women are the last creation of God with His own hands, she is the apex of His Creation. He essentially says, "Enter, woman, the completion of my design." In the Maori creation story, woman becomes the Earth while man becomes the sky - one nourishing one protecting. In ancient Greece Gaia was the mother of all, becoming the Earth after creating all the gods. The ancient Egyptians believed that woman was the universe, that she gave birth to the Sun and planets.

Whenever women enter the scene, we bring with us creation, it is in our blood. The most influential beings in my life, the ones I have looked up to, fought to emulate, and strived to stir pride in are women.

One of the books that has inspired me in this journey is one called "Why We Cook" by Linsay Gardner, which covers a depth of women in the culinary world. Another is called "Home Made" by Liz Hauck, which covers her experience of teaching boys in a group home how to cook. Another "Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat" and the most influential of any cooking book I've ever read is by Samin Nosrat, a woman.

When thinking about what I wanted my blog to be, I just thought about all the women I wanted to talk to. All the amazing influencer chefs I look up to and watch, all the other bloggers who have laid the ground work for me to be here now, all the podcasters, and book writers, and everyday women in my life.

I thought about the 'Barbie' movie, written and directed by one of the top five women who has influenced me the most, Greta Gerwig. The movie opens with a nod to '2001: A Space Odyssey' in which Barbie is introduced in giant proportion. A creative decision I have greatly respected on Gerwig's part - because I think it proportionally shows the impact of Barbie on history. Her entrance into the world left a giant, formidable mark on history.

That beginning scene really stuck with me, and when deciding on this blog I thought about that - this grand, magnificent entrance, of this being who would come to be formidable, history making, life changing, greatly influential. It occurred to me that that is all women. We enter the scene and are instantaneously formidable, history making, life changing, greatly influential - the apex of creation.

I know, it's cliche, a woman writing about food.

But I'm not just writing about food, I'm writing about being a woman. I'm writing about a history of women who came before me to cultivate community, who learned to feed themselves (mask on first) to support and sustain life, who adjusted and adapted to grow families - to grow ENTIRE HUMAN BEINGS. I'm writing about girlhood, and womanhood, and the fragility of both of those things.

I wanted this blog to be a love letter to women, a spotlight, a memoir to what we can accomplish, who we are, were, can be.

I wanted reading this blog to feel like watching that opening scene of Barbie - distress, disillusionment, sadness - and then....

Enter, Woman - and all the life she brings.

With Love, Emma

In case you were curious:

Top 5 Women who Influence me:

1. The top dawg, and true love of my life, Hayley Williams of Paramore fame, and general baddass-ery

2. Caroline Criado-Perez for writing my favorite book "Invisible Women" and hosting my second favorite podcast "Visible Women"

3. Katie Nelson and Olivia Meikle collectively for their Podcast and book-of-the-same-name "What's Her Name" my first favorite podcast

4. Greta Gerwig - refer to the above

5. Florence Pugh for her general amazingness, fashion sense, courage, and take-away-your-breath-ness

   These are just the living ladies - don't even get my started on my favorite women of all time - Emilie du Chatalet, you have my whole heart**