Friendship: A beginning

CookBook Club: (club) a regular meeting of individuals who cook a dinner together using recipes from the same cookbook, then gather together to enjoy a Thanksgiving style meal.

In August 2024 I started a Cookbook Club. It was in response to the death of my mom, a need for community, and an insane schedule of school.

I saw someone on Pinterest raving about the club they had started, how it was better than anything they had created before, and it was worth the work. They had written the post as a sort of how-to guide if anyone wanted to do it for themselves.

I thought, I could probably do that.

So I did.

I did some research on other people who had started one, took notes on how they set theirs up. It seemed that the unanimously conclusion was it only worked if everyone was dedicated to being a part, and the next club meeting was planned while the current meeting was happening. I have found over the last 6 months that holds true. Pretty much all other problems have solutions, all other situations can be remedied, and so much less is serious then you would think. But it all falls apart when someone is wishy-washy, or planning is left to be done over technology.

So how exactly did I do it? I started by thinking of all the people I would want to hang out throughout the month every month - you know those people I would be really sad not to see in a month - and came up with my 3 favorite gals - and then I said their partners could come if they wanted (they wanted).

This meant I had 7 people interested right away, including my partner and the fact that one of my friends was single in the beginning. So then I asked them if there was anyone they would want to include.

An old co-worker of mine, a close couple friend of one of the original three gals, and my partners best friend all joined the party, giving us 12 full adult humans signed up for this very foreign concept. We capped it at that (12 is an intimidating number of people in any size).

We had to plan the first meeting through a few different methods.

First I sent out a google form to every member and asked they they answer the following:

• Allergies

• Commitment level (1 month-1 year-I'm not sure)

• Preferred communication method

• What days in the month of August worked best for them

• Willingness to host

• And what they thought we should call our group

Then I sent out a group message with everyone and we commenced the insane process of getting 12 people together at the same time in the same place.

The first meeting in August as previously mentioned, was "Take Out" night. Everyone brought their favorite takeout food to share with the group. I made sure we would have pizza as a "main course" so everyone knew there would be something to build around. And in true "I'm feeding 12 people" fashion we went with Costco pizza. Everyone else brought;

• Pad See Ew

• French Fries

• Chicken Nuggets

• Salad

• Krispy Kreme Donuts

I also required everyone to bring any/all cookbooks they owned.

That first meeting was a BLAST - best meal ever. (I might say that about every meal we've had) Honestly, it was easily one of the most stressful nights of my life, simply because it was at my house and I was the only one who knew what was going on.

We had decided on a 2 hour meeting but I think all together it went a bit longer.

And it turned out I really had no reason to be so stressed. Everyone got along really well, chatted seamlessly, and had a really wonderful time.

I had made 10 rules for what I thought it should look like they were as follows:

I have a high value for clear expectations, but I also wanted this to be a club that was really fun, that didn't add a bunch of stress to everyone's lives. So these rules made it that everyone knew what they were signing up for, and so that it's fair.

However, 6 months later, there are only like 5 rules that are still at play.

1. Meetings are still once a month - for a minimum of 2 hours at this point

2. The host doesn't make the main course

3. We only respect allergies - everyone had tried something they don't like, but not something that will kill them

4. Every meeting is planned at the meeting beforehand

5. And we have so much fun

Each couple is responsible for something together - single friends can choose to partner up or brave it on their own - that way each task is supported. This helps to alleviate the stress of carrying a dish from a singular person - imagine making a main dish for 12 people completely on your own? No ,thanks.

Everyone makes their dish at home and then just transports it to the host's house, unless previously agreed upon with the host (we've had to bake somethings at the house before, or warm something up once it got there, but most prep and assembly happens in our own homes).

We discovered early on we don't actually need an activity - we talk a lot, and enjoy each other's company a ton. We spend so much time talking and enjoying the food that there isn't usually time for an entire activity. We've done it, like building gingerbread houses together as a competition, or roasting marshmallows around a campfire. And we enjoy having something fun to do occasionally but it's not a requirement anymore.

The host also is not required to make anything if they don't want to, and we gave them the responsibility of decorating their own space however they would like, instead of the drinks team being required to do it.

Drinks is required to make two drinks (or two versions of one) one with alcohol and one without.

When we plan for the next meeting, everyone just volunteers for what they want to be responsible for instead of being assigned something. The host is also a volunteer position, with my house being the default if no one wants to.

And finally, we do have grace for people missing a meeting, but not if they miss consistently. If someone misses 3 times in a row the group takes a vote to remove them from the group. (Like I said, commitment is key, anyone not committed.... gets the boot).

We've also added other things that make life easier for us:

• Everyone brings their own cups based on a prompt given by the drinks crew. For example, the last book we did my partner and I were doing drinks, so we had everyone bring a cup they thought a Hobbit would use.

• We talk about how making our dish went, what went well, what didn't go well, what we learned about cooking or ourselves.

• It's helpful if everyone shows up around 5:30pm so we can start eating at 6pm then be done by 8pm - instead of a strict 6pm-8pm timeline.

That first meeting we chose cookbooks based on what everyone had brought - everyone got to go through the pile of cookbooks and choose one for us to do. Then we voted it down to 6 cookbooks and ordered them to cover our next 6 meetings.

Now, when our six cookbooks are up, each couple brings a cookbook and we vote on the order instead of going through a huge pile.

But having the books picked ahead of time has been exceedingly helpful.

First of all, it has taken the stress off of anyone to go buy a cookbook. Those things are expensive - I would know I have like 20 of them. If a member didn't have a cookbook, that's fine, I have 20 let's just choose 6 of mine. If someone had only one they could contribute that one. Then when it came time to make things from a book we would bring it to the meeting.

So, if it was December and we were enjoying our meal out of the T-Mobile cookbook, we would be planning the meeting for January. Which would have been the Minecraft cookbook. Which meant whoever owned the Minecraft book would need to bring it to December's meeting. That way people could pick what they wanted to make, and take a picture of the recipe instead of having to buy the book for themself, or hoping it was at the Library.

Planning the whole meal ahead of time has also been essential in our groups success.

We decide which couple is in charge of what:

• Main Course

• Drinks

• Dessert

Once those are decided those couples start looking through to decide what to make. The rest of the couples are in charge of a side dish.

Second, it makes it easier to pick up anything that gets dropped. We had one night where 24 hours beforehand 3 couples weren't going to make it - so the rest of us just picked up what was left. We ended up substituting french fries and a box cake for some elements. If someone can't make the main course (ideally they will say something more than 24 hours ahead) someone else can jump in and make it since we already agreed on what was being made.

So what if someone can't come? Or doesn't? We plan the next one that night, what happens to them?

Well we plan it - whoever is there decides what they are doing, when works for them, we send pictures of recipes for those not present to choose from, and that's that.

We send the details in the group chat, and anyone who wasn't there can't contest it. So if the time doesn't work, they are welcome to ask for an adjustment, which the group is usually happen to make! (I mean, we want them there too!) We also give the option for whoever wasn't there to coordinate with the cookbook owner to go peruse the book in person instead of choosing from the options presented.

That's pretty much everything! Everyone brings their element, and we enjoy a meal together. The set up is a lot of work, deciding what the group format should be, who should be involved, how to handle certain problems as they arise - all of that is front end work, for sure. But once the group gets going, it's pretty smooth sailing. The only work any of us do now is making our dish and being honest about our feelings (which I know is pretty hard work).

We've only been at it for 6 months, but already we've had to support a group member through the death of a family member - and yes we became the meal train people.

It's not much, and by no means is it the most earth shattering idea - a cookbook club. But it is something that has deeply impacted my life - something I'm forever grateful for. This last meeting we ended up roasting marshmallows over a fire together after dinner. The next morning I literally cried reminiscing on the sense of community we all shared.

It's definitely changed my life.

Hope I inspired you to form your own! (Honestly sometimes wish I could start a new one and make it just the girls)

Check out my Memoirs to Friendship - it's the part of the blog where I compile all of our lessons learned and favorite recipes!